Defensiveness Is Not Love: Recognizing Emotional Manipulation and Reclaiming Your Voice

JILL | INNER HEALING COACH
Jul 30
2 min read

Have you ever tried to express how you feel, only to be met with eye rolls, blame-shifting, or accusations that you're the problem? You gather the courage to speak truth—softly, vulnerably, honestly—but instead of being heard, you're shut down. And worse, you begin to question yourself.

Let’s be clear: When someone constantly responds with defensiveness every time you express your truth, they are not protecting the relationship—they are protecting their power.

Defensiveness is a form of emotional manipulation that silences your voice and distorts the conversation. It’s not just frustrating—it’s damaging. It can leave you walking on eggshells, doubting your reality, and shrinking your truth to avoid conflict.

🚩 What Defensiveness Looks Like:

“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always make me the bad guy.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?”
“I didn’t mean it that way—you’re twisting everything.”
Silent treatment, sarcasm, or rage instead of real resolution.

These are not just bad habits. These are tactics of control, emotional invalidation, and relationship imbalance.

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”— Proverbs 18:2

💛 What Healthy Love Sounds Like:

In contrast, a healthy, emotionally safe relationship sounds like:

“I’m listening. Help me understand how that made you feel.”
“I didn’t realize that hurt you. Thank you for telling me.”
“I want to get better at this. Let's talk about it.”

In healthy love, truth is not attacked—it is welcomed. Honest conversations are not a threat—they're an invitation to grow.

You Are Not Asking for Too Much

You’re not too much for wanting to feel safe, heard, and respected. You’re not "difficult" for asking for accountability. You’re not crazy for naming the chaos that keeps being swept under the rug.

What you are… is finally waking up to what real love should feel like.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…”— Colossians 4:6

The Truth Heals. Even When It Hurts.

The truth may sting. But when someone loves you, they don’t fight to avoid it—they fight to face it and grow through it.

If you are in a relationship where your voice is consistently dismissed or punished, it’s time to take a sacred pause. Reclaim your voice. God does not call you to live in confusion, fear, or emotional isolation.

“For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.”— 1 Corinthians 14:33

Your Voice Matters to God.

He hears every unspoken ache. He sees every time you tried to be brave. And He will never dismiss, mock, or deflect your heart’s cry.

Keep showing up for the woman God is healing within you. Keep choosing truth over silence. Peace over performance. Safety over survival.

Ready to Heal and Reclaim Your Voice?

Start your journey now with these powerful, faith-rooted resources:

Your Brain is Speaking: Truth About Trauma – How to Regulate Your Mind & Body
What Stress and Trauma Do to Your Body
Redeeming Your Love Dating Guide (for 30+ or Young Women)
Happy Healthy Habits eBook – for a mind-body-soul reset rooted in God’s wisdom

👉 Available now at www.innerhealingcoaching.com/shop