Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Why She Stays, Why She Leaves

First, as a survivor of domestic abuse, what I share this month is deeply personal. This is not just a topic I study or discuss—it’s a reality I’ve endured, fought through, and by the grace of God, walked into freedom from.

That freedom came at a great cost. It cost me everything I once believed was more important than my own peace, safety, and mental health. Choosing myself was not easy. Nor was it made lightly. And even now, I carry the weight of loss and pain from what I had to do to save my life.

In another post, I’ll share more about the reality of being estranged from your children after abuse, and how a mother wrestles with the truth: you were abused, even if others—children included—perceived it differently. They endured it in their own way. They carry their own wounds. But the reality remains: you had to fight to survive.

And here’s the hope I cling to—our children will have their own journey of healing, and the greatest gift we can give them is not a false version of ourselves, but the transformed life of a mother who chose to live. To live. To be renewed by the washing of the Word. To become everything God dreamed for us through His love in Christ.

The Silence Around DV

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Yet you won’t often hear it spoken about in the news. Few headlines push for women’s and children’s rights, safety, or the critical programs designed to support the millions affected every single day around the globe.

Crisis centers for women and children are often understaffed, underfunded, and overlooked. Many lack even the most basic trauma-informed care practices. Survivors are left not only to escape abuse but to navigate systems that too often retraumatize them in the process.

This month, I want to break the silence. I want to give voice to the questions that echo in every survivor’s mind:

Why did I stay?
How did I finally leave?
And what does it mean to truly save yourself?

Why She Stays

Women stay for reasons that outsiders may never see:

Fear of escalation. Leaving can be the most dangerous moment—abusers often threaten to kill her or harm the children if she tries.
Financial control. Most abusers use money as a weapon. She may not have access to a single dollar or even her own identification.
Spiritual manipulation. Scripture is twisted, convincing her that God requires her to endure what He never designed her for.
Isolation. Friends and family have been cut off. Her world has been made very small.
Hope. She clings to the memory of who he used to be, hoping that love will be enough to bring him back.
The children. She stays to keep peace, to protect them from worse harm, to give them a home—even at her own expense.

Staying is not weakness. It is survival in a storm where every option feels unsafe.

Why She Leaves

And yet, there comes a moment.

Something shifts. She realizes: “If I stay, this will destroy me.”

She leaves because:

Her children are no longer safe. She sees the trauma settling in their eyes.
Her body can’t take more. The bruises, the exhaustion, the silent injuries begin to break her down.
Her spirit awakens. She begins to believe that love should not hurt and that God does not condone abuse.
She finds a lifeline. A hotline, a friend, a church, an advocate whispers: “You are not alone.”
She chooses life. She dares to believe there’s a future free from fear.

Leaving is not betrayal. It is salvation. It is the way she saves herself, and often the only way she can save her children.

This Month, We Remember

Every survivor has a story. Some stay longer than they wanted. Some leave with nothing but the breath in their lungs and a prayer. All are courageous.

If you are in that place today—hear me: you are not crazy, you are not to blame, and you are not alone.

📞 Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

🌐 Explore Safe & Sacred tools at innerhealingcoaching.com

Closing Reflection

No mother chooses the harder path unless staying was even harder. Her choice to leave is not weakness—it’s the ultimate act of love, of courage, of faith.

Take Your Power Back

You don’t have to keep drowning in silence. You don’t have to keep sacrificing your peace, your safety, or your God-given identity.

I created The Inner Healing Journey Method™ and a collection of faith-based, trauma-informed tools because I know what it feels like to lose yourself—and what it takes to rebuild.

✨ Inside, you’ll find resources to help you: