The Woman I Used to Be Deserves Honor — Not Judgment

A Redeeming Your Love: Safe & Sacred Dating After Abuse & Divorce reflection

I no longer turn against the woman I used to be.

Not the girl who loved too deeply.

Not the woman who forgave too quickly.

Not the version of me who kept trying to save relationships that were slowly destroying her.

I will not judge her anymore.

She woke up every day with fear in her chest and hope in her hands, doing the best she could with a breaking heart and survival-mode instincts. She smiled too wide so no one would look too closely. She hid pain she didn’t have language for. She carried wounds she didn’t yet know how to name.

And for years, I misunderstood her.

I used to call her naïve.

I used to call her foolish.

I used to wonder why she stayed, why she tolerated, why she held on so tightly to people who treated her so loosely.

But now? Now I know the truth.

She wasn’t weak. She was surviving.

She accepted crumbs because no one had ever shown her what a feast of real love looked like.

She begged for gentleness because she had lived so long inside emotional storms.

She apologized for everything because it felt safer to take the blame than to face another explosion, another silence, another door closing.

She didn’t chase chaos. She chased safety. She just chased it in unsafe places.

She thought red flags were her fault. She thought abandonment meant she wasn’t enough. She thought if she loved harder, performed better, stayed longer, things would finally change.

But they didn’t.

And still — she kept going. She kept trying. She kept showing up in a world that repeatedly broke her open.

That was courage.

She carried me through nights I didn’t think I’d survive. She wiped tears in bathroom stalls and returned to rooms pretending she was fine. She endured betrayal, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, silent treatments, rage, inconsistency, and disappointment — all while believing she was the problem.

She did all of that with no roadmap.

No guidance.

No proof that healing or healthy love even existed.

So no — I will never dishonor her.

She is the reason I am alive today.

Growth wasn’t pretty for me. It didn’t happen in tidy journal entries or gentle realizations.

It erupted out of heartbreak. It rose from the ruins of everything I tolerated. It came from collapsing on the floor asking God why I kept giving chances to people who were destroying me.

The woman I am now was carved from the pieces she kept holding together with trembling hands.

And here’s the truth I stand on:

No one can use my past against me. Not anymore.

You can replay my worst choices, my darkest seasons, the moments I stayed when I should’ve run — and you will not find shame in me.

You will find understanding.

Because that version of me — the one who didn’t know her worth, who confused red flags with love, who longed for connection so deeply she tolerated pain — that girl carried me through a life that would have crushed a weaker soul.

She wasn’t my downfall. She was my foundation.

Every mistake taught me something God would later use to rebuild me:

• the nights I begged for love that didn’t love me

• the times I silenced myself to keep the peace

• the moments my body whispered no while my trauma said say yes so you don’t get hurt

• the times I mistook consistency in chaos for emotional safety

Those pieces became wisdom. Wisdom I now carry into every boundary I set. Every “no” I honor. Every red flag I don’t question. Every peaceful decision I make.

I don’t hide the old me. I wrap her in compassion.

I tell her: “You were not crazy. You were not unlovable. You were not the problem. You were hurting, and no one taught you what healthy love felt like.”

And I promise her this:

I will not abandon you by pretending you never existed. I will honor you by protecting us now.

• By choosing wisely.

• By loving carefully.

• By trusting God more than my loneliness.

• By dating with the discernment, you deserved but never had.

This is what Redeeming Your Love was created for.

To finally give you the tools, clarity, and safety that the old you never had access to — so you never repeat the cycle again.

To help you stop confusing intensity with connection. To help you stop ignoring your body’s signals. To help you stop choosing men who love your wounds instead of your soul. To help you stop mistaking emotional starvation for devotion.

To help you finally experience dating that feels safe, steady, peaceful, and aligned with who God says you are.

You are not starting over. You are starting from wisdom — hers and yours.

And now…it’s your turn to carry her gently.

If this reflection feels like your story, then Redeeming Your Love was written for you.

A safe, sacred, faith-rooted path back to:

💛 discernment

💛 self-worth

💛 nervous system safety

💛 boundaries

💛 red-flag recognition

💛 God-aligned dating

💛 emotional clarity

💛 healthy partnership patterns

You do not need to keep learning relationships the hard way.

You can break the pattern. You can choose differently. You can honor the woman you used to be by healing the woman you are becoming.

➡️ Join Redeeming Your Love: Safe & Sacred Dating After Abuse & Divorce

Because she carried you this far. Now it’s time for you to carry her into a life that finally feels safe.

Your healing is sacred. And I can’t wait to walk with you.

You deserve safety. You deserve truth. You deserve peace.

And with God —you can reclaim all of it.

JILL | INNER HEALING COACH

@innerhealingcoach

Helping women reclaim their worth, restore their voice, and walk in healing.

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