To the Church That Failed the Abused Woman

There is a difference between the Body of Christ and the institutions that claim His name.

One reflects Jesus. The other often reflects control, fear, tradition, and silence.

And for far too long, abused women have been caught in the middle—seeking refuge in the church, while the church handed them back to the very hands that harmed them.

This is a message the Church must hear—one that carries both truth and grief—because the cost of silence has been women’s lives.

The Church Told Her to Endure What God Came to Deliver Her From

For decades, abused women have walked into church buildings with bruised hearts, bruised spirits, and sometimes bruised skin…hoping for safety, wisdom, and protection.

Instead, many were met with spiritual pressure and Scripture used as shackles.

They were told:

“Pray harder.”

“Submit more.”

“Don’t provoke him.”

“Forgive seventy times seven.”

“Be more available.”

“That’s just how men are.”

“Don’t break up your family.”

“Honor your vows.”

“God hates divorce.”

This counsel did not come from the heart of Christ. It came from fear, ignorance, and a theology that values outward appearances more than women’s safety.

And when she finally did the biblical thing—when she left the abuse, got safe, protected her children, and took shelter…

The Church treated her like the sinner.

She became the gossip topic.

The cautionary tale.

The “too emotional” woman.

The single mom no one knew how to include.

The woman they met with suspicion instead of compassion.

Not because she failed—but because she finally chose life.

Where Was the Church for the Broken and Beat-Down Mothers?

Let’s be honest.

In far too many cases, the Church stood with the abuser, not the abused.

It:

• protected the wolves

• silenced the women

• moved men into new ministries instead of into repentance

• weaponized Scripture to keep women quiet

• prioritized the appearance of a stable family over the truth of a dangerous home

• called her “rebellious” rather than calling him to accountability

Instead of exposing sin to the light, they wrapped it in a Bible verse.

Instead of rescuing the oppressed, they counseled her to “try harder.”

Instead of standing with the wounded, they covered for the one causing the wounds.

This is not the gospel.

Jesus Never Called Women Back to Their Abusers

Let us speak this plainly:

Jesus never told a woman to stay in a home where she is harmed.

Jesus never told a woman to endure trauma for the sake of keeping up appearances.

Jesus never told a woman to submit to violence, manipulation, or emotional cruelty.

Jesus never empowered the oppressor.

He confronted them.

The people who demanded blind submission…who used Scripture out of context…who protected abusive men from accountability…

Those were the Pharisees.

Not Christ.

And in far too many cases, modern churches have unintentionally become more like Pharisees than like Jesus.

Heaven Speaks a Different Truth

If you were abused…If you were dismissed…If you were told to stay and “try harder”…If you were blamed for leaving a dangerous home…

Hear the truth that heaven speaks over you:

God is not the author of abuse.

God is not the defender of abusers.

God is not asking you to endure danger.

God is not the guilt whispering in your ear.

God is:

• the lifter of your head

• the defender of the oppressed

• the shelter in the storm

• the breaker of chains

• the One who sets captives free

And the abused woman?

She is not the problem.

She is not the sinner.

She is not the one who “destroyed the family.”

She is the one trying to survive what should never have been allowed in the first place.

Abused women do not destroy families. Abusers do.

If the Church Wants Revival, It Must First Repent

Before we talk about revival, growth, expansion, or influence…we must talk about repentance.

The Church has to repent for:

• siding with abusers

• silencing women

• misusing Scripture

• protecting predators

• shaming survivors

• enabling trauma

• valuing reputation over righteousness

• calling danger “marriage”

• calling suffering “submission”

• calling silence “strength”

This is not judgment. This is truth spoken for the sake of freedom.

Because freedom is exactly what Jesus fought for.

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me…He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.”—Isaiah 61:1

That is the gospel.

Not silent suffering.

Not spiritual manipulation.

Not shame dressed up as theology.

To the Church: Stop Protecting the Wolves. Start Healing the Wounded.

It is time for the Church to become the safest place for the hurting—not the safest place for the abusers.

It is time to:

• listen to women

• believe survivors

• confront sin instead of hiding it

• support single mothers

• call men to real repentance

• stop spiritualizing violence

• teach biblical safety, not silent suffering

• rebuild trust with the wounded

• create systems of accountability

• open the doors of healing

Jesus never turned away an abused woman. The Church shouldn’t either.

If we want the Church to look like Christ, we must go where Christ goes—toward the wounded, not the wolves.

If This Message Reached You… Healing Is Waiting For You

If something in this post spoke to your soul…if you’ve lived this, felt this, survived this, or cried through this…I want you to know one thing clearly:

You do not have to heal alone.

For years, churches, systems, and even people you trusted may have told you to:

• minimize your pain

• silence your truth

• forgive while staying unsafe

• carry burdens God never asked you to carry

But your healing matters. Your nervous system matters. Your story matters.

YOU matter.

And there is a path forward.

I’ve created a full library of trauma-informed, faith-rooted resources designed specifically for women who have walked through:

• emotional or spiritual abuse

• unsafe marriages

• estranged motherhood

• church hurt

• narcissistic relationships

• divorce after trauma

• rebuilding life after you’ve been silenced or misunderstood

These tools were born out of my own pain, my own healing journey, and the very freedom Jesus rebuilt in me.

You’ll find:

✨ The Inner Healing Journey Method™ — a full, step-by-step program to rebuild your identity, nervous system, and emotional peace from the inside out

✨ Redeeming Your Love Safe & Sacred Dating After Abuse & Divorce — a faith-based dating course for women healing after abuse

✨ eBooks, devotionals, and guides created to help you regulate your body, renew your mind, restore your self-worth, and heal your relationship with God and yourself

If your heart whispered, “This is me…” or if you felt that familiar ache reading these words…

Then this is your invitation:

Come heal.

Come rebuild.

Come restore what trauma tried to take from you.

Your healing begins the moment you say yes to the truth that:

“This pain is not the end of my story.”

You deserve safety.

You deserve peace.

And you deserve a life that reflects the freedom God intended for you.

💛 Explore my programs and eBooks here

JILL | INNER HEALING COACH

@innerhealingcoach

Helping women reclaim their worth, restore their voice, and walk in healing.

Raising Her Worth: A Movement to Restore Biblical Manhood

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